Life With Squad Levi
by that girl who likes almonds
Summary: They were tough-skinned, hard-hearted soldiers, the best of the best; but that doesn't stop them from living their lives to the fullest while they can. A collection of ficlets and drabbles centred on the original Special Ops Squad. Occasional Rivetra. Ch 11: Here it is; the night she's finally been waiting for. She can't wait until Levi sees her. Well, if she can find him.
1. misunderstanding

**hey look i'm procrastinating sunlit shadows so i puked this out instead. for real, i started this a while ago before sunlit shadows but never finished it and i've been pretty sick lately so i decided to finish it. This story is going to be a bunch of ficlets and drabbles (au or canon, I'm not picky) about the og squad levi bc i miss them and cry every time i think about them. I take requests if anyone's interested; just pm or review. this collection isn't strictly going to be Rivetra, although a lot of them might be Rivetra-centric. enjoy this silly one-shot.**

* * *

"Petra?"

"Hey, do you-"

"Will you marry me?"

She blinked. Erd stared at her, his eyes wide and earnest, and smiled at her sheepishly. In his left hand he held a small, velvet box. Petra focused on the box, then back up at Erd, with an 'are you serious look'. He continued to stare at her with the same dorky expression, and as the silence dragged on, his small smile began to droop.

 _Oh shit I think he's serious,_ Petra thought, realization beginning to dawn on her. She laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding his eyes. The cuffs on her shirt were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

"Ahhh, well, I, um, thought you were still seeing Natalie...and god this is sudden and I-"

"Damnit, Petra, that isn't what you were meant to say!" Erd dropped his facade and glared at her, every trace of sincerity gone. "You were meant to say _yes_ and _I love you_ and _oh my god let's have sex right now._ "

" _What_?" Petra spluttered. "Is there a _right_ way to react to a sudden marriage proposal from someone you believed to have been in a steady, stable relationship with someone who isn't you?!"

"I don't want just a steady, stable relationship with Natalie anymore! I want to marry her!" Erd cried. Petra gaped at him. "Finally? Oh, Erd, that's great!" She pulled him down into a hug, but he tugged away from her, groaning. "It's not great. I have no idea what I'm doing. The others would have no clue either."

"I don't know, but Captain Levi really struck me as the type to ask in situations like these." Petra laughed at her own joke. "Look, practice on me. Aw. Erd, second-in-command to Levi, _humanity's strongest_ , terrified of tying the knot."

"It's not funny," Erd grumbled. "She could say no. No one wants to marry a soldier."

"Shh. If you've been together this long then it's clear she's devoted to you. Get down on one knee."

He did, and she squashed down the irritation that he was only just slightly shorter than her now. "Take my hands, and look me right in the eye. Now say, _Will you marry me?"_

"Will you marry me?" Erd repeated solemnly. Petra swallowed back a wince at how emotionless he sounded. "Er, yeah. Don't forget to tell her how much you love her and how you'll devote your life to her before you actually say it though. And make it sound like you're actually looking forward to her saying yes, not like you're reading Captain's report. Try again."

"Are women really this demanding?" Erd muttered. Taking a deep breath, he grasped her small hands again, cradling the box.

"I have loved you since the day we first spoke, since our first outing, since we formally began courting. I have loved you since the day you told me you accepted me being a soldier, since you said that it wouldn't lessen your devotion to me, since you said that you were willing to take the risks _because I was worth it_. I have, and will always love you from the day I first said it and until the day I die. Will you marry me?"

A slow grin began to stretch across Petra's face. "Just. Like. That."

* * *

He hadn't meant to. He was just walking down the hallway of the castle, with a big pile of paperwork to hand to Captain Levi, when he noticed an open door and voices from the inside. He didn't think much of it; it was just the other members of Squad Levi. Then he walked past, and saw Erd and Petra.

Erd, kneeling. Holding Petra's hand, cradling a small, ring-sized box.

"-because I was worth it. I have, and will always love you from the day I first said it and until the day I die. Will you marry me?"

Eren's mouth dropped open wide open, and he bolted down the hallway before either of them could notice.

* * *

It started with a careless afterthought to Gunther. Gunther had mentioned that Erd and Petra did well in training, that their energy had been high and they didn't lack in spirit. Eren had replied offhandedly with, "Well, yeah, I would expect them to be, now that they're engaged." After Gunther's surprised reaction, Eren recounted what he had seen, before Levi called him away to clean the stables again. Gunther whispered it to Auruo, who choked on his tea. Neither of them dared mention it to the Captain, or let on to Petra and Erd that they knew. As much as Auruo had been dying to confront them about it, particularly Petra and _why the hell she never told him_ , Gunther commanded him to bide his time and wait until they were ready to announce it. Tracking down Eren and making sure he kept it zipped was easy enough.

The Captain himself found out the same night. They were at the table, nibbling at the food rations distributed to every squad, when Auruo couldn't help but sneak glances at the pair, who sat across from each other, trying to pinpoint how deep their affections ran. Petra was recounting a story to Eren, while Erd was chatting to Gunther and Captain Levi about new maneuvers with the gear. He glanced under the table, where Petra kept her legs tucked neatly under her chair and Erd stretched his out lazily; there was no indication of playful footsie. Finally, he focused on Petra's fingers, searching for a ring. Her hands were disappointingly bare. _Maybe she wore it on a chain?_ He stared hard at her neck and chest, trying to find the glint of a chain, the bump of a ring under her shirt.

"Oi, Auruo, stop staring at Petra's chest." the Captain snapped suddenly. Auruo jumped in his seat as Petra whipped around, flushing. He waved his arms frantically as Petra opened her mouth, an angry retort ready on her lips.

"I wasn't staring at your chest! I was looking for the r- argh!" Gunther elbowed him sharply in the gut. Auruo bit down hard on his tongue. With a huff, Petra tossed her handkerchief at him, crossing her arms across her chest self-consciously. "Serves you right."

Wincing, he dabbed at the blood on his lips gingerly. "I really wasn't staring." He told her sincerely. Erd rolled his eyes. "I call bullshit."

Petra nodded at him approvingly, and Auruo almost slammed his palms down on the table in frustration. However, he forced himself to calm down. Gunter was shooting him frantic warning looks, but Auruo was past the point of caring. Eren looked like he was trying to sink into his seat.

"So… Erd, when is the wedding?" He asked the blond man coyly, and he lit up like a Christmas tree. Petra jerked in her seat and she stared hard at Auruo. "How did you-"

"People were going to find out at one point, Pet." Erd calmed her quickly. "We haven't decided yet, but we were thinking in sometime in spring."

"Spring! The flowers are lovely that time of year." Petra sighed dreamily. Eren gaped at her and Gunther buried his face in his hands. The Captain surveyed the goings on silently, and Auruo knew he was closely following every word. He decided to press further.

"What about the venue? Do you have any idea where it's going to be held?"

"Oh! The big church in Karanese; it's where my parents were married. What about there, Erd?" Petra said excitedly. Erd pursed his lips in thought. "Eh. Maybe someplace less conspicuous; I don't think it's going to be a big wedding. Neither of us have many relatives."

"Oh, you're right." Petra sighed. The Captain leaned back. "Would anyone care to tell me what is going on?"

"Erd is getting married." Gunther said bluntly, glaring at Auruo. "I _thought_ it was going to be kept a secret."

Auruo shrugged innocently.

"Congratulations." The Captain said to Erd, his voice devoid of any emotion. "I hope everything turns out well for the two of you."

"Yeah," Erd beamed, but his hands twitched nervously. "I just hope the pregnancy goes smoothly."

 _Clank._

Auruo's fork clattered to ground. He stared, slack jawed, at Petra. Gunther looked faint. Eren had turned red up to the roots of his hair. Auruo didn't know if he could speak. His throat was so dry, his ears were ringing so loudly, he didn't even realise he was pointing a shaking finger at Petra, who stared up at him in confusion. Erd and Captain Levi were exchanging odd looks as well.

"You're _pregnant_?!"

Petra spluttered incoherently. " _What_? Of course not!"

"But you're marrying Erd!" Eren piped up uncomfortably. Erd rounded on him quickly. "Where on earth did you get that idea?"

"Well- I was delivering paperwork to the captain and the door was open and you were on one knee in front of Petra and saying that you would love her until the day you die and you had a small box and it looked like a marriage proposal and-"

"Calm down, kid." Levi said from across the table. "Breathe."

"How could you think I was marrying _Petra_?!" Erd spluttered. "I mean, no offence Petra-"

"How could you think I was marrying _Erd_!" Petra shuddered. "He was practicing on me to propose for real to Natalie, the girl he had been courting."

 _Oh_.

Realisation dawned on Auruo. Slowly, he lowered himself back down onto his seat.

Mortified, Eren babbled out apologies to everyone at the table for spreading false information. Petra patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. Everyone sat in silence for a long moment, processing what had just happened. Auruo cleared his throat. "So Petra isn't-"

" _No_."

"That's a relief." Captain Levi said mildly, tugging his collar aside to reveal a dark hickey on his neck. "I didn't think the same woman who did this last night would be engaged to someone else."

" _Levi!"_


	2. rice

**Just a vague drabble i thought of when i was reading an article.**

* * *

His mind wanders to her far more often than it should.

He will stare at the damp wall, imagining the exact shade of her hair; was it lighter or darker than the patch of sunlight that streams through the window? Or he will shift and gaze at the mouldy ceiling, remembering how soft her skin was under his hands, his fleeting fingertips skimming over her waist, her hips, her arms. Maybe he will sit against the corner of the room and stare at the floor, and her lovely laugh will ring across his mind, when she would grin and throw her arms around his neck and press a kiss against his scowling mouth.

When he is _not_ thinking of her, he thinks about the choice he has been given where his final answer is already decided, then his traitorous mind will jump to Petra _again_ and what _she_ would choose.

 _Something sweet,_ he thinks first, recalling when they passed a bakery and she dragged him in to try a meringue. Then he changes his mind; eating too many sweet things made her sick, she told him once, turning away a bag of candy Hanji offered her. Nothing too greasy; all the oil left a bad taste in her mouth. He narrows it down to something spicy or savoury; when she would pick the restaurant she would lean towards Indian food or Thai food, shaking so much sriracha sauce onto her plate he worried it would burn a hole through the ceramic. The image of her eyes lighting up when she took a bite and sighing in pleasure is burned into his brain when the familiar footsteps echo down the silent hallway, her urging that he try some is ringing throughout his ears when the door lock rattles and swings open.

So when they come to ask him what his final meal will be, remind him it can be anything he wants, he does not hesitate to answer that he only wants rice.


	3. kind

Petra Ral was kind.

And it confused the fuck out of Levi.

Each morning, the newest member of his squad would rise twenty minutes before the alarm and brew coffee for everyone, made with good-quality coffee beans she had bought herself from the market. She would go out and feed everyone's horses when she went out to feed hers, taking one chore off everyone else's list. If a horse needed a new horseshoe, she would hammer it on herself, regardless if it was her horse or Auruo's or Gunther's. Smiled brightly at everyone and wished them good morning, good afternoon, good night, how they're doing, remembered little details people mentioned to her in passing, told them kind nothings which he honestly thinks is a useless thing to do. Her kindness isn't just limited to the his squad; she would offer to help Hanji carry her books or equipment or any other scientific bullshit, pull Moblit aside and tell him to rest. Compliment Nifa on her newest kill, tell Nanaba that she has the fastest reflexes, give helpful tips to the new recruits.

She walked around headquarters and people regarded her like she was the fucking _sun_. He would almost think her a sop if he hadn't seen her performance get better with every expedition, if her kill count didn't rise higher and higher every time she unsheathed her blades. And as Levi would watch her wipe down her blades and offer her handkerchief to her comrades, he would wonder _why._ Why would she go out of her way for others so much? What did she gain out of it? Did she think she would get a promotion, get into the commanding officers good books, be taken to the official events in Sina? But she had already been hand-picked into a higher squad. So why was she still trying? What squad was higher than the Special Ops squad?

Maybe she was just being so nice so that when she needed something, she could hold it against the person she needed a favour from. Maybe she was so nice to weasel information out of the other soldiers. Maybe-

"Can't people _just_ be nice?" Hanji laughed when he mentioned it offhandedly, watching Petra across the field chat to a recruit. "She's just a nice person. There's no underlying scheme or anything."

"She's _too_ fucking nice."

"What, you don't trust her?" Hanji looked at him inquisitively. "You picked her for your squad, and you're having second thoughts because she's _too nice_?"

No, he decided. He trusted her on the field to hold her own, trusted her to have the best judgement, trusted her to follow orders perfectly. She did, anyway. As a soldier, she was exemplary. As a person…

"You talk about it too much, you know." Hanji continued. "Does it rub you the wrong way? Or do you think your new subordinate rubs you the _right_ way?"

"What the fuck, Hanji?"

Her howls of laughter followed him when he stormed away.

 **XXX**

As full of shit as she was, Hanji did have a point. He did need to trust Petra fully if there was ever any chance of his squad working like a well-oiled machine. So, when Petra knocked on his office door when he was up doing a stack of paperwork with an offer for help, he accepted. She hadn't gone up to her dorm room before he did, and was still with the squad when he retreated to his rooms. She wasn't really going out of her way, he decided. And she brought tea with her. Which had helped.

The pair had worked in comfortable silence. Petra didn't attempt to talk much, which surprised him. He could sometimes hear her talking so much it was a wonder she didn't lose her voice at the end of the day. Eventually, Levi sent her to bed, telling her that he didn't want her to be shitty in training the next day because of him. Even though she had helped considerably, there was still over half a stack to fill out. She returned the next night, with three extra candles stacked under her arm, a tray of tea, and determination. Again, he let her sit opposite him and quietly fill out whatever he set her. She didn't go out of her way, not really. It was fine.

The third night, with still a considerable amount to get through, she knocked on his door later than usual. ( _Usual_. As if this was a routine the pair had fallen into.)

He let her in and she sat in the chair, picking up a pen and leaning over the paper. Levi sat back in his chair and studied her. She had long taken off her harnesses and jacket, sitting there in her blouse, pants and untied boots. Her hair was slightly mussed, and she blinked her eyes rapidly to keep them awake.

He saw her walking up to the dorms before he left the dining hall, so why did she drag herself out of her bed up to help him?

"Why are you here, Petra?" He asked suddenly. Petra's head snapped up.

"Pardon, sir?"

"Why are you here?" He repeated. "This isn't required. It's not part of your duty in my squad. You don't get anything out of it."

She didn't reply right away. Levi watched her expression carefully, searching for any crack in her facade. "You came from your bed, just to help me, when you could just sleep. You wouldn't be in trouble. You're going to get less sleep just to wake twenty minutes earlier than you need to. So why are you here, staying up and helping me?"

Recovering from her shock, Petra jumped to her feet. She saluted so fast and hard Levi thought she would punch a hole through the fabric on her shirt. Maybe she heard a hint of suspicion in his voice, because when she spoke, she spoke with as much conviction as she could.

"I swore to serve you in ways you saw fit. Whether that's on the battlefield or off. I noticed that you might need help and offered some. I swore to devote myself to you, and that's what I'm going to do." She said determinedly. "Sir."

He considered her for a moment.

Petra Ral was a kind person; he knew that. Whether her kindness extended to him out of consideration or what she saw as her duty, he had to trust her fully. Which meant taking her word. She hadn't given him any reason to _distrust_ her anyway.

Perhaps it had been so long since someone had been kind just for the sake of being kind that he had grown untrustworthy.

"Alright." He said finally. She didn't move, but he saw her sink slightly with relief. "Is there anything I can say to get you to leave me alone until all this paperwork is done?"

"Uh...no sir."

"Then sit down and help me finish it."

 **XXX**

After he dismissed her, with all the paperwork finally done, Petra fled down the hall to her dorm before her Captain left his office so he wouldn't see the giddy smile on her face. She thought she had been caught, that he noticed, that he would kick her off his squad for inappropriate feelings, because she'd been lying when she said she was only there for his benefit.


	4. death do us part

Every Sunday, the soldiers are allowed leave. Many pack for a day trip and head off to the surrounding villages and towns to visit family or friends or do a bit of shopping. Levi, with no family or friends to speak of and nothing to spend his money on, stays behind and cleans his office. Maybe if he's feeling adventurous he'll kick Erwin out of his and clean it for him. That is the extent of his Sunday leave, has been since he joined the Corps.

His soldiers keep themselves busy on their Sundays, cherishing the short time they have off. Early in the morning, each of them will pack their bags, saddle their horses, and ride off before the sun has even peeked over the horizon. As close as they were, they always elected to spend it away from each other; as he heard Erd tell once, after he had lost a Saturday night card game, "I spend every minute of every day with all of you assholes and this day is my only goddamn chance to get away from it," before there was indignant, muffled yelling from Petra.

Gunter, he knows, will visit his grandmother and father and sister, just to remind them that he is still alive. He'll bring things he can't pack into his bag, stories of the lands outside the walls, a home cooked dinner, his smile, warmth, love.

Erd has parents who he will visit first, help with their market stall and the morning rush, then after lunch he will gallop off to where his fiancee lives, and Levi does not like to think what they get up to in the evening.

Auruo, with a great number of siblings, always leaves with his bags clinking. He straps it on so safely and does not stop for anyone until he reaches home, where he tucks it away into a jar on the mantle, holds his invalid mother's hand, and carefully instructs the second-eldest of his siblings on how to spend the money. Levi isn't sure if Auruo notices that his wages are slightly higher than the rest of his squad members, or if anyone notices that Levi's go down on the same day they are paid.

Petra's father lives further away from headquarters than Erd's or Gunter's or Auruo's family. The distance allows her only a short time with her father, the only family she has to his knowledge, so he allows her to leave late on Saturday and ride through the night. He's not sure if she's allowed or if he has the authority to give her permission to do that, but if there's a problem then Erwin hasn't bothered to do shit about it. She'll return late on Sunday, sometimes pushing it past curfew, but she wakes in the morning with so much energy and takes on training like she's had all the sleep in the world so he doesn't really care.

Yes, all Sunday's were the same and spent apart from one another, so he doesn't expect this week to be any different. He retired early to his office but their talk and laughter travels through the walls clearly. Before he left, Gunter busted out his playing cards, so he expects to hear yelling from Auruo soon about his loss. An excited squeal, undeniably Petra, echoes through the hallway, and he snorts to himself. Sounds like Petra is the victor of tonight's game. At least Auruo will have all of tomorrow to get over it. The chatter gradually dies down and footsteps sound through the halls, doors are opened and shut (quietly - he's snapped at them all more than once about slamming doors) and silence settles throughout headquarters. He considers calling it a night himself when there's a knock on his door. Half-expecting it to be Petra, asking permission to leave even though _he has said multiple times that it's fine_ , he flings it open. To his surprise, Erd stands there. His second in command looks strangely uncertain, a look that doesn't suit him at all. Levi steps back and studies him for a moment, noticing a white envelope in his hand. He clears his throat. "Do you need something?"

"Uh...no. See, my wedding's tomorrow."

"Congratulations." Levi says, and he means it. "Really. But I don't see why this is relevant to me, Erd."

"I wanted to _invite_ you, Captain."

Levi blinks. He stares at the envelope, now offered to him, then back up at Erd. The younger man looks slightly uncomfortable under his gaze, but he stands firm in his decision.

"Oh. Thanks." Levi says. Gingerly, he accepts it, turning it over in his hands. "Is that all?"

Erd nods. It's imperceptible, but Levi sees him deflate slightly at his unenthusiastic response. But that is all he came for, and he turns to leave. "Thank you, Captain."

Shutting the door gently behind him, Levi evaluates the fancy envelope, tearing it open. It formally requests the pleasure of his presence to to the wonderful, humble union of Erd Gin and Natalie Fennborn, at twelve in the afternoon, at a small church in the Trost district.

Marriage, when you're a soldier, has always seemed a very bad idea to Levi. Marriage to a Survey Corps soldier had to be up there in one of the most unnecessary things someone could do. What was the point when the chance of dying was so high? Even the most experienced soldiers could falter for a second and it would be enough. The only thing a serious soldier should be married to is his job. Hanji told him once that he only says that because he can't get any woman to marry him. He promptly told her to fuck off because she was single and the sole reason that they knew everything they knew about Titans.

Perhaps it is _because_ they could die anytime, he mused. If you were bound to be cut short, why not take every risk you could? It wouldn't matter because you'd be dead. The only difference is that it would be so much more painful for someone living.

This woman must love him very much.

Erd. His faithful second-in-command. The one he can count on to order the others if he's absent for any reason. Diligent, strong, impressive. Funny, too; he's found himself amused at some of his comments. His loyalty rivalled even Petra's at times. He devoted himself to his job, his squad, and to Levi himself.

Admittedly, his upcoming Sunday was the busiest it had ever been; Erwin had placed his coffee on his desk without using a coaster and Levi was going to scrub the mark clean. But maybe he could make an exception, just for once.

* * *

Early the next morning, he watches his squad saddle their horses, each dressed in comfortable riding gear with another bag looped through the stirrup. They're all laughing and joking, acting like carefree idiots, and it almost makes him smile.

Just as Auruo and Gunter open the barrack gates, Erd looks up to Levi's window. Automatically, he retreats behind the curtain, twitching it closed. For a moment, Erd looks downcast before Petra claps him on the back and tugs him to his horse, saying something Levi can't decipher from behind his window. Whatever it is, Erd grins at her, suddenly invigorated, and he leads the others out of the gates. For the first time, they all head in the same direction.

He figures they're leaving to set up or some other wedding-related shit. He wouldn't know what to do anyway. So he rubs the sleep from his eyes, signs off a stupid letter to Dok, and fishes his old suit from his closet.

Erwin raises an eyebrow at him when Levi shuffles into the mess hall on his way to the stable. "Interesting clothing choice for cleaning, isn't it?" Erwin remarks, a small smile twitching on his lips.

Levi scowls. "Sometimes I want to feel fucking pretty."

Mike, seated opposite him and hunched over a map, snorts out of his big nose. Just as Levi is about to escape to the stables, Hanji emerges from the kitchen, hands wrapped around a mug. _Here we fucking go_ is the only thought that crosses his mind before Hanji cackles with laughter. "Why didn't you tell me there was a noble coming in to see us today?" She says, turning to Erwin. "Such a small lady too! I would've dressed for occasion." She rests her elbow on Levi's shoulder and picks up his jacket cuff to inspect the stitching.

"Get- argh- fuck off Hanji!" He shoves her away forcefully. Still giggling, she adjusts her glasses. "Where are you going dressed so fancy?"

"A...wedding. Erd's. Gin."

Erwin's giant caterpillar eyebrow arches higher. "Well, have a good time." He returns to his map.

Levi stares hard at him, trying to decipher what he means because everything means something else with the Commander. Without looking up, Erwin says, "You don't want to be late now, do you?"

Levi's never been more relieved to see his horse, thanking whatever deity is up there that horses can't talk so he can't hear any more bullshit until he reaches the church.

* * *

The church is bustling with people dressed in their best finary. Levi feels awkward and out of place; Titans are far easier to navigate than strangers. Discreetly, he tries looking around for any of his squad members. None of them could be seen and he idly wonders if he's wandered into the wrong wedding. There are a few familiar faces, fellow soldiers who Erd must be friends with, but he doesn't know them well enough to strike up a conversation. Hell, he can't even strike up a conversation with people he's close to, anyway. As quick as he can, he finds a seat in the pews on what he assumes - hopes, actually, because it'll be real fucking awkward if it isn't - is Erd's side of the church. As more and more people file into the church, he notices that Erd's side is significantly smaller than his fiancee's; a handful of friends and an even smaller group of family members. He's thankful for the space when a lady and a very small boy (Erd's nephew? Cousins?) seat themselves all the way on the other end of the pew. The boy sniffles loud enough so Levi can hear it from all the way down the row, and the lady keeps wiping his nose with a very grubby handkerchief. He cringes inwardly.

A lone fiddler at the front suddenly strikes up a jaunty tune. The bustling chatter dies down immediately. A pastor takes his place at the altar, and everyone turns towards the entrance as Erd's men march through the doors. And it is no surprise at all that Erd's groomsmens - and woman - are the proud members of the Special Ops Squad.

Gunter, Auruo and Petra are all dressed in black suits. Gunter and Auruo's suits fit them smartly, clearly owned, worn and loved by the men. Petra's dark suit jacket hangs off her narrow shoulders and almost swallows her whole, and as the procession nears he sees that she wears her military shirt underneath. Her pants have been pinned up so the cuffs don't trail on the floor. Almost her entire outfit is ill-fitting but the with the proud, bright expression she wears, it's almost impossible to look at anything else. As she leads the procession down the aisle, he hears a very masculine woman - or is she a very feminine man? - mutter something about a _woman_ wearing _pants_. He refrains himself from kicking her -him - _them_ in the middle of their back.

The three take their place at the front, to the left of the altar. Then, after a brief pause, Erd follows through. Every item of clothing is smartly pressed, his shoes shined to perfection, his long hair scraped and gelled into place. Levi's seen Erd fight fifteen metre Titans with the greatest of ease, but _this_ is what makes the man look unconfident for the first time in his life?

He'll never understand a man in love.

Erd joins the other three up next to the altar. They nod at him reassuringly, and Levi watches Erd take a deep breath. A cluster of bridesmaids make their way down the aisle, clutching bouquets of white flowers, daisies entwined in their hair. Then, the entire crowd takes a sharp intake of breath and rise to their feet. The bride, Natalie, wears a crown of daisies in her loose, long hair and a flowing white dress. Her face is obscured by a sheer veil.

At the front, he sees Erd inhale sharply, his eyes trained on his bride. Slowly, slowly, she makes her way up the aisle and stands opposite Erd. The pastor nods, and everyone sits.

The semantics of the wedding, Levi is embarrassed to admit, are lost on him. This is the first wedding he's ever attended and he finds that it is quite _long._ He finds his legs falling asleep and his hands twitching with pins and needles as the pastor talks on about the ins and outs of marriage. But he tries hard to focus again, for Erd's sake. The pastor then asks them to recite their vows, and with eyes only for each other, they begin.

Natalie's speech is full of wonderful things, a few inside jokes that make her close friends laugh, and her love for Erd shines through with every word. Never once does she take her eyes off him and Erd is almost falling apart by the end of it. Auruo and Petra _are f_ alling apart by this point but a sharp nudge from Gunter fixes it quickly. Erd takes a deep breath and stares at her through her veil, and he opens his mouth to begin.

"Natalie, the first time we met I knew immediately that I wanted to spend the rest of my life - however short - with you. The first time we met you helped me, after I stupidly got lost down a simple, simple street."

When he started, his voice was shaky. But as Erd continues, his voice growing more confident with each word, more and more people reach for handkerchiefs. Auruo is a blubbering mess at this point, dabbing his tears with his cravat. Petra is slightly more dignified, pulling a small piece of cloth from her pocket. Only Gunter is dry-faced, but he is the happiest Levi has ever seen him. From where he is seated, he can see Natalie's hands shaking with emotion. And Erd, Levi's strong, level-headed second in command, has never looked more radiant. He is beaming when he ends, his eyes shining with unshed tears, and the pastor takes a moment to recollect himself before he asks for any objections. After a short silence, the pastor nods at the pair. "Do you, Erd Gin, take Natalie Fennborn to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Erd nods. He only has eyes for her. "I do."

"Do you, Natalie Fennborn, take Erd Gin to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." It comes out as almost a whisper, but it is there and firm. Silently, they slide the rings onto each others fingers.

The pastor nods at the two. "I now pronounce you husband and wife." He announces to the whole church. "You may now-"

Erd has already thrown Natalie's veil over her head and grasped her around the waist before the the pastor had even finished. And as they kiss, the whole church erupts into noisy cheering. His squad collapse into emotional, happy tears; as Erd pulls back from his new wife, radiating nothing but warmth and love and complete, utter, _happiness,_ Levi feels the warmest he's felt in a long time.

* * *

For someone who's last name is Gin, Erd can't hold his liquor.

Seriously. They're _one drink in_. Even Petra is standing steady after downing her glass. But Erd is swaying slightly from side to side already. His arm stays tight around Natalie's waist though, and Levi suspects that it'll stay that way for the rest of the time they have together, no matter how wasted he gets.

After the ceremony, all the guests flooded out of the church. Erd and Natalie couldn't leave without being bombarded by congratulations from every damn person so Levi retreated to the back of the crowd and waited. It was Petra who found him first, having spotted him in the crowd, and called over Gunter and Auruo. They saluted fiercely at first before Levi shot them a look.

By the time the crowd finally thinned out and Petra had talked him through everything that went wrong early in the morning when they arrived to help set up (including a food poisoning scare, a torn bridesmaid dress, and a missing relative) Erd had wandered over to them. Natalie was tight against his side.

"Captain!" Erd says, taken aback. His arm comes free very briefly to salute. Levi can feel Petra behind his back motion silently for Erd to drop the salute. "At ease." Levi says simply.

Relaxing, Erd had thanked him deeply for attending, still slightly dazed. Natalie surprised them all by shaking Levi's hand warmly and thanking him for keeping her husband in line. Levi surprised them all even more by not wiping his hand right after.

Maybe it's because of this that Erd invited him to stay in the small church courtyard for food, drinks and the cutting of the cake. The cake must be the sweetest, richest thing that Levi has ever eaten in his life and he tries to be discreet about the all the water he consumes after to wash the taste away. Then Auruo proposes a toast to the new couple and their baby - it's only now he notices a baby bump under her dress - and Erd tosses back his _and_ Natalie's drink. She watches him sway from side to side fondly and announces that she must speak to her family, briefly leaving his squad alone.

"Captain," Erd begins, "I really wanted to say thank you for coming, you know I didn't think you would because you're always so moody-"

Levi snorts from behind his full drink- he despises the taste - and waves it off. Erd, thankfully, catches on and shifts his blurry attention. "And you all, all of you, for helping and coming through." His long arms encompass Petra and Auruo. "My friends. My family. Well," His eyes jerk towards the manly lady/lady man Levi spied earlier and a tall gentleman. "My _other_ family."

"Stop it, Erd," Petra says, whacking him across the arm good-naturedly. Her voice is thick with emotion and she reaches up to pull him into a hug. "Anything for family."

She extends her arms out; Auruo and Gunter join in as well. Levi stands at the edge, content to watch the sentimental fools hug it out, when Erd reaches out and tugs Levi into the hug as well. And the giant tipsy bastard shoves him to the middle so he can't fight out.

"Alright, idiots, back up." Levi says firmly. "Moment's over, alright? Back up."

"Okay, okay," Erd grumbles. His eyes are starting to clear up slightly. "You know, Petra was going to ask you if she could wear your suit jacket because you're so similar in size-"

" _Erd_!"

He has to repeat over and over that it would be morally wrong to kill a man on his own wedding day.

"Alright ladies!" Natalie calls from the front of the yard, standing on a chair. She turns her back to a cluster of women gathered near her, bridesmaids and guests alike. "You know what time it is! One, two... _three_!" She launches her bouquet high into the air. But she's overshot, whatever she was trying to do, and it arcs above the women's heads and Levi sees it come down near their little group. So he raises his arm and catches it in one hand. Levi turns the flowers over in his hand, glancing up to see his men struggling to keep a straight face. Next to him, Petra chokes on a gasp, and the men start to snigger. The group of women glare at him angrily. Natalie begins to laugh, almost choking on her giggles.

"Oi, what? Do you what your shi- flowers back?" Levi asks. At this, Erd bursts into noisy laughter, close to tears.

"Captain, when the bride throws the bouquet...whoever catches it is the next to get married!"

 _It's morally wrong,_ he reminds himself, but he bets that it would feel so good.

* * *

The sun is beginning to peak below the horizon. The decorations have long been packed, the church emptied; only a handful of people remain, late night revellers who wish the couple farewell. All his men have changed out of their suits and into their normal, civilian clothing, straddling up their horses and ready to ride off to the compound. Erd, now out of his suit, stares wistfully at Natalie's face, holding her close to him. Natalie is very understanding, already knew that he couldn't stay any longer, but Levi sees the hesitation in removing her arms from around him. Understanding wouldn't lesson the pain.

"Erd." Levi starts, and Erd snaps his attention to his superior immediately. "Sir. My apologies." Without a second's dely he's on his horse, gathering the reins in his hands. Natalie stands next to him, a hand resting on her stomach.

"Tomorrow, I wanted to go over the backup formation for training." Levi says.

His squad knows what he means perfectly. In the case of an injury and one member can't attend the expeditation, the backup formation is used. "Obviously it's a four person exercise. I don't think I have any use for you seeing as you're the one most prone to injuries."

That title actually goes to Auruo, but Erd catches on immediately.

"Oh, of course sir! I wouldn't want to cause any inconvenience for what you have planned tomorrow."

"Right. We'll finish that exercise by late noon, then we're going over the one planned for this upcoming expedition. I want you back no later than _two_ , understand?"

"Perfectly, sir!" Erd is already sliding off his horse and retreating back to the building. "Two o'clock. Crystal clear. Peak condition. Got it."

"Glad we're on the same page." Levi urges his horse towards the main road, turning one last time to see the happy couple. Erd has all his attention on his wife, but she catches Levi's eye and mouths _thank you_.

As his remaining squad members hit the road, Levi decides that he likes his normal Sunday's, cleaning alone, but spending it with family is not too bad either.

* * *

 _a/n: never attended a wedding in my life. had to research wedding vows. might be wrong. might've completely messed up a wedding. thats how it be sometimes_


	5. box step

When Captain Levi sits down at the mess hall table that night, immediately everyone knows something is wrong.

The first tell is that the squad saw him talking to the Commander when they returned from training. When the Commander pulls Levi aside to speak to him, they usually continue their discussion upstairs or seated at the same table.

Another (much more prominent) tell is that Levi is _pissed_. It's almost impossible to tell because he always looks pissed, but when they see him with his brows slightly more furrowed than usual, Petra mops up Auruo's spilled drink and Erd hastily dusts down the tabletop. They all avoid his gaze as he approaches and slams his tray down aggressively, pretending to be engaged in meaningful (or in Petra and Auruo's case, meaning _less_ ) chatter. The Captain speaks when he wants to. _If_ he'll even tell them. If he notices that Erd and Gunther discuss weeks-old maneuvers or that Petra and Auruo talk on and on about the shape of turnips until Auruo's voice goes high, he says nothing. Probably would've gone on about turnips the entire night if the Captain didn't clear his throat.

"So." He places his empty teacup down, rattling the saucer. He sounds as disinterested as usual but he gazes away from them all, into a corner of the room. Immediately, all four of them sit to attention. Gunther sees the concealed concern shifting over his comrade's faces and mentally prepares for the worst. Drastic budget cuts, a shift in the ranks-

"Dancing. Any of you know how to….dance?" He speaks as if the word is unfamiliar and heavy in his mouth.

A beat. One beat of stunned silence and the Captain glares at them all, as if the thought of him asking them for dance lessons on his own accord pains him to his very core. "Erwin says that at the stupid fucking galas, nobles expect you to dance with them. A stupid rich people thing. They have nothing better to do with their time. He says I need to learn." He goes for another sip of tea before remembering that he's already drained his cup. At this moment, Petra would've jumped up to prepare another one, but she's as surprised as the rest of them. "Ballroom dancing?" Petra clarifies tentatively.

"No, it's fucking ballet. _Yes_ , ballroom dancing."  
Another beat, but this time the four of them are trying desperately, _desperately_ hard not to laugh. The thought is absurd. Their surly, scowling Captain needing _dance_ lessons. A man who possesses the utmost control over his body, worried about mucking up a simple step. Teaching someone like their captain to dance would be the most awkward thing imaginable.

Erd turns away quickly, a quiet snicker escaping the corner of his lips. Petra covers her mouth and disguises a giggle as a cough. Auruo bites down on his tongue hard in the process, although Gunther suspects that was accidental. Gunther, however, keeps silent during this... admittedly _embarrassing_ request. Part of it is respect for his captain; if the rest of them will be immature about it to their captain, he won't be. A bigger part of it is he is silently running through his memories of every person he might've ever mentioned a specific part of his family too. Fuck, why did he have to start rambling about his life story after a few drinks?

"Erd danced at his wedding." Petra throws out quickly. She's shaking with silent laughter, held together by her fingers clenching the underside of her chair.

"I was drunk!" Erd protests, glaring at her. "Besides, I've seen _you_ dance at taverns."

" _I_ was drunk!"

"Well, I've seen Auruo dance with his little sister." Erd continues, itching to crawl out from under the carriage Petra threw him under.

"He wasn't drunk but he sucked." Petra says before Auruo can interject.

"So what I'm hearing is none of you can help me." The captain says impatiently. "That's all I needed to know. Now shut up." He delivers especially chilly glares to Petra and Erd, and the two quiet instantly.

 _I'm safe._ Gunther almost soars with relief. It takes everything in him not to grin. But Erd is staring at him now, with that infuriating look where he looks like he has you in the palm of his hand. That _stupid_ eyebrow quirk-

"Actually," Erd begins, and Levi focuses on him while Gunther kicks his legs under the table as discreetly as he can. He hopes his eyes can clearly convey s _hut up you blond bastard,_ but if they can't then he's certain his feet will.

"Gunther told me once that his sister used to be a proper dancer. Professional."

 _Sister. Used to be._ He prays those are the key words that click in the captains mind. The Captain's gaze shifts to Gunther, almost seeming to size him up.

"Gunther, didn't you tell me once that before she broke her leg, you would practice her dancing with her?"

Oh, Erd had better _watch it_ the next time they went beyond the walls. Accidental ODM grabs on other people happened all the time. "It was...ballet. Not ballroom." Gunther mutters under his breath.

"Ah, but ballet dancers need to train ballroom as well, don't they? _Before_ they start ballet."

Accidental ODM grabs on other people happened all the time in training as well, _don't they_? No, training was too far away. He would cut Erd's ridiculous long hair off while he slept. Maybe his throat after that.

"Truly, Gunther?" Petra giggles.

"No! Not...really. Look, I just watched her!" He says desperately. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know how to dance. The fact that he knows the difference between a foxtrot and a quickstep is _purely_ coincidental.

The captain stares at Gunther. It's impossible to know what he's thinking. "Don't I always tell you idiots that observing is one of the best ways to learn? Do you never listen?"

The breath leaves Gunther's body. He can't be serious.

He considers himself to be a level-headed person. Usually. He's a team player. Really. He'll never turn down a request from his superior. Always.

But this is absurd. It's embarrassing. It's next level _mortifying._

"Oi, do you think I _want_ to be doing this bullshit? It's either one of you or Mike." The strained look on his face says everything his mouth doesn't. The image of Levi practicing ballroom dancing with Squad Leader _Mike_ briefly flashes through his mind and it almost makes him forget the sheer horror of the situation.

The captain pushes his chair back and stands. "Come on."

"Sir, you're _serious_?" Gunther splutters. The captain gives him a look that he is, indeed, serious.

The goddesses must be cackling. Gunther was pitying the poor soul who had to teach their captain, stupidly assuming Petra would take the fall (though she would _gladly_ enjoy that situation,) failing to remember that he spilled his entire family history to Erd when they decided to get smashed.

At least Erd doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing them... _dance_. Levi looks as pained as Gunther feels.

On the way out of the room, he throws Erd the nastiest glare he can. The fucking _sellout_ has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. Petra and Auruo stare after them in disbelief.

The captain kicks open the door of a big supply room where the cracker rations are usually kept. The Commander was waiting on a big shipment to arrive before they embark on the next expedition, so the room was empty. Dusty, too, because no one ever bothered to clean it. Levi sniffs in disgust at the room. "Shitty. But it'll do." He crosses his arms and Gunther knows he's trying hard not to glare at him. It's not Gunther's fault, not really, and he knows it. "Well? Are you going to show me?"

"Uh, yes. Yes. Okay." He takes a deep breath, pressing down the sheer awkwardness of the situation. It was just an order. From a superior. Fine. Fine. He gets them all the time. Fine.

His sister had said once that things are only awkward if you let it be awkward.

"Are you the boy or the... girl?"

"Do you think I would be dancing with other men, Gunther?"

"Right. _Right._ Sorry."

Oh, Gunther can try as hard as he likes but there is no saving this from being the most awkward, cringy, time-consuming thing he has ever done in his entire _life._

Levi holds out his hands gingerly. Gunther swallows and takes his right hand, murmuring an apology. The captain's height - or lack thereof- is painfully obvious right now. He motions for the captain to put his other hand on his back, staring at the ceiling and wondering where he went wrong in life. "If it's just simple ballroom, a box step should be fine."

The captain says nothing in response, keeping his eyes turned towards the ceiling. Gunther doesn't think he's seen him look this uncomfortable before. Gunther steps his right foot backwards diagonally, trying to keep the most distance as someone possibly can while holding hands. "Step your left foot forward to mine. The man leads."

Levi steps his left foot forward tensely. Gunther cautiously moves his left foot sideways. "Uh, you'll need to move your feet at the same time as me."

It's painful, watching the captain dance. He moves as if his legs are wood and he has a pole strapped to his spine. For someone so fluid in battle, it's almost laughable. Wisely, Gunther keeps that to himself.

They're only halfway through Gunter's box step tutorial when the door to the supply room bursts open. On impulse they push away from each other immediately as Petra creeps into the room, holding a tray laden with a steaming teapot and empty mugs.

"Sorry, sirs!" Petra chirps. "I just thought you might need a drink."

Wordlessly, Levi pours himself a drink. Gunther grins at her gratefully. Levi drains his cup, and then after another, he steps back and turns to Gunther. Petra's dismissal is clear in his stance.

Petra lingers _far_ longer than it should take for someone to deliver tea. Moving like she's wading through slime, she inspects the wall, ceiling, floor, taking in every detail in a way to make it seem like she's not obviously looking at them.

She's also _obviously_ not holding in her laughter.

Levi sighs heavily. " _Out_ , Petra."

She jumps. "Sorry sir!" The door shuts gently behind her.

Gritting his teeth, Levi holds out his arms again. As Gunther reaches for his hand, the door slams open.

"Oh. _So_ sorry!" Erd says apologetically, holding up his hands. "Didn't think would be anyone here. I've misplaced my cloak. Can't remember where I put it."

"Why the fuck would it be in the storeroom, Erd?" Levi says flatly. "Go away."

" _Right_ , sir. Of course. On it."

Gunther glares at the back of his head as Erd retreats to the doorway. Very slowly. He takes his time to rummage through an open chest - that Gunther knows is empty - and keeps his eyes level with them.

"I _will_ make you scrub this entire compound from top to bottom, Erd." Levi snaps. "Get. _Out_."

He grabs Erd's collar roughly and drags him to the door, throwing him out into the hallway and slamming the door so hard behind him that the frame rattles. He drags a hand down his face, exhaling heavily through his nose. "Fucking idiots."

"Agreed, sir." Gunther says quietly.

"God. What's the rest of the stupid step? I want to finish this as soon as possible."

 _Agreed, sir,_ Gunter says privately in his head. He runs through the rest of it quickly. Levi watches his feet and slowly steps through the motions himself.

There's a _thumping_ noise nearing the storeroom. It takes him a second to realise it's fast, frantic footsteps.

Squad Leader Hanji suddenly barrels down the door. She takes in the scene with unabashed glee and howls with laughter.

" _There_ you are! I almost didn't believe it when I heard it. I didn't even think it was possible for someone as grumpy as Levi to dance! Fascinating, isn't it?"

" _Hanji_ -"

"What're you teaching him, Gunther? I never would've thought Levi would need to learn anything physical! Has he picked it up himself at all? Mind if I sit and take notes?"

" _Shut-_ "

"Say, are you going to teach him the lifts? Overhead? How long can he hold you for? Try it right now; toss him up in the air, Levi! I got my notebook out ready-"

Levi storms over to her and tugs on her hair so tightly Gunther expects her ponytail to come off in his hand. " _Fuck off._ In fact, we're _done_ now. Go and obsess over whatever Titan bullshit you've managed to dig up." He pushes her away, fuming.

Hanji grins, perching herself atop a closed chest. There's a mischievous glint from behind her goggles that makes Gunther feel very uneasy.

"You're learning for the gala, right? Good on you, Gunther, for helping Levi. Say, did you know that it's required for Levi to bring a date? Think you can come through for that?"

He flees from the room so quickly that the fact that he forget to salute his superiors hits him when he's halfway across the compound.

* * *

 _a/n: idk where this came from, idk if ballroom dancing terms exist in this universe, idk how to ballroom dance_


	6. anagram

Often, after Petra's finished the stack of paperwork he sets her, she'll stay behind and keep him company until he's finished his share. Or he'll keep _her_ company. Petra is someone who genuinely enjoys being around other people; one thing he'll never understand about her. The first few times she dropped by, he told her that she shouldn't feel obliged just because he was her superior. But he never told her _not_ to come and she picked up that translates to _You can stay_ in Levi-language.

(Hanji coined that term and he fucking hates it.)

So she'll stop by whenever he's up in his office for a while with a tea tray. Not as an order from her captain. On her own accord.

It makes him feel like they're friends.

And it surprises him how much he doesn't mind that.

He's not entirely sure when she started staying later. _There's a small ugly voice in his head that nags that she slips past boundaries too easily because he_ lets her _and that's dangerous so he tells the voice to shut the fuck up._

It just happened; she finished quicker than usual and absentmindedly drew on an empty sheet of paper and he didn't notice until after he finished himself. Her presence is calming and refreshing and he doesn't hate it. So he lets her stay longer now. Tonight is one such occasion.

"What are you doing?"

Petra starts slightly, glancing up at him. He's been watching her from over the rim of his cup for a while now. She's sat across from him quietly, crossing things out and rewriting different letters, her brow creased in concentration.

Sometimes she'll talk aimlessly about anything, from training to her family to silly stories. It's usually a one-sided conversation, but she knows he listens to everything she says. Other times she'll keep herself amused by scribbling on empty pieces of paper or reading newspaper articles and books. She likes to draw, he's noticed, even if she's not very good at it. Once, he asked her what type of bird she had sketched in the corner of the page, only to find out that it was meant to be a horse.

"Anagrams. My father taught me a game using them." She says, turning the paper towards him. The word is unfamiliar. He leans over the desk. Her neat, swirly writing fills up the page; a row of random letters are at the top, and then below it are rows of different words. He could've been looking at Hanji's hypothesis for all the sense it made.

Petra indicates to his dwindling paperwork pile. "Do you want to play? It'll be quick."

"I don't know how."

"It's easy. Whoever can make the most words in a minute wins."

"I don't know what anagrams are. Never had a need."

He's not ashamed to admit that he doesn't know which fancy literary terms are which. Frankly, he doesn't care. He got a basic understanding of the alphabet from his mother before she passed. He could read simple sentences. Compared to the other children underground, who couldn't read at all, it was enough. Knowing how to read big, fancy-ass paragraphs meant nothing when someone was about to cut your throat for a bite of old bread.

It wasn't enough when he joined the Survey Corps. As a standard soldier, he just about got by. Sure, he struggled with Titan and formation theory (apparently just _listening_ to the teacher wasn't enough) but his blades quickly made up for his lack of notes. Practical had always been his strong point.

It was even trickier when he was made Captain because of the fucking _paperwork_. Hanji patiently went through the basic phrases and words he needed be able to write, but he still struggled sometimes. He couldn't write fast enough to get through the stacks and stacks appearing on his desk each night. Petra dealt with the ones that required long, detailed answers. With the more important ones that required his signature, she wrote what he should say and he copied it dutifully down.

"It's a word made by rearranging the letters of a different word." Petra explains. "Like this."

She points to her page. Her jumble of letters begins to make sense in his mind, recognising a few words. Flipping the page over, she writes her name at the top, spacing out the letters. "I always like to see how many words I can make out of the letters in my name. _Pet. Tea._ "

" _Rat_." Levi says helpfully.

" _Rat_." Grinning, she writes it down. " _Taper._ Here, you have a go."

Underneath her mess of letters, she writes dow and turns the page to him. He glances down at it, then at the paperwork he still has to finish, then back up at her small, shy smile.

Fine, he'd humour her. Only for a minute, though.

" _Veil_." Petra says, staring hard at the paper. Levi stares down at the letters of his name.

" _Vile. Evil."_ He prints the words next to Petra's. They're quite befitting for him.

"Oh." Petra breathes, stifling a giggle.

"I don't have any _o's_ or _h's_ in my name, Petra."

She gives him a flat look, but her eyes sparkle with amusement. Leaning over, she writes _Live_ down on the list. He tries not to focus on the way her soft hair slides down past her face and exposes her delicate neck.

She purses her lips, deep in thought. "Hmm. I don't think we can count _I_ as a word."

Levi says nothing in reply. Petra shuffles the paper into a pile and turns an old report over. "Do you still want to play?"

Fucking hell. Literacy games are far from his idea of fun. He _really_ should be finishing the damn paperwork. But she sits there with her big doe eyes and he can't fucking find it in himself to say no.

"Fine."

Beaming, she slides him a paper. "Pick a word. No, phrase. More letters."

Uh. "Titan. Killing." It's the first words that come to mind. He's never really had anything else to focus on. "Killing Titans."

"Really, Captain?" He's told her that she can call him Levi ( _because he likes the way she says his name, that real fucking annoying voice whispers_ ) when they're alone but she doesn't and he almost orders her not to call him that, but that pretty much defeats the purpose.

"Fine. _Survey Corps_." He matches her experasted look with one of his own. "Take it or leave it. I have work to do."

Huffing, she grumbles something under her breath about lack of creativity. She spaces out the letters at the top of her page and Levi does the same. Unhooking her timepiece, she lays it on the desk between them, watching to the thinnest hand as it ticks past the 12. "One minute. Go!"

The letters stare up at him, not registering in his mind, while Petra scribbles furiously opposite him. She slings an arm across her paper, as if he was looking to copy. The hand on the timepiece ticks on. For a moment, he half-wonders why he's even bothering with this. Petra's face of concentration, with her tiny nose scrunched up and her small pout, suddenly gives him a reminder.

He snaps into action, his writing almost illegible. He's so focused he almost doesn't hear Petra announce time up.

They push their pens away. Row after row of swirly, neat writing lines Petra's page. His looks messy by comparison. Well, it _is_ messy.

"How many do you have?" Petra asks, counting hers. "I have seven."

"Twelve."

" _Twelve_?" Petra says indignantly. She snatches his paper up. "Half of these aren't even proper words."

He raises an eyebrow at her, studying her list. She has longer, more challenging words than his _or's_ and _up's_ and _so's._

"It was _more_ words, not better words." He points out. Damn, he'd forgotten how competitive she could get. "You could've made half of these up. What the fuck does _spores_ mean?"

"It's something to do with plant biology-"

"That's all I need to know." Levi holds up his hand. She bristles, glaring at him, but she's biting back a smile. "I've still more real words than you've got. You'll never use _spores_ in your sentences."

"Alright!" Petra throws her arms up. "No one wins. So we'll go again."

He resigns himself to not getting anything else done for the rest of the night. So maybe he likes anagram games. Only with Petra, though. He refuses to play again with Hanji after she got _licentious_ from _Scouting Legion_. And after she used that word to describe what he and Petra do when she comes to his office at night.

* * *

 _a/n: i love anagrams. I suck at them though_

 _completely unrelated but i had a dream where levi had to battle the beast titan on a fucking minecraft world. i hate my mind_


	7. giving

There are so many things that he can't fit on their gravestones.

There are so many things that defined his soldiers from being more than just names filed under _Deceased_.

There are so many things that will die with him.

Erd. His second-in-command. A strong, reliable soldier. One of the best. Titan kill count: 46.

That is what the world will remember him for.

The world will never know him for what made him _him_. His laugh, which was noisy and deep and sometimes annoying but could set a person at ease quicker than anything. His witty jokes that put everyone in a good mood, even on the worst of days. His strong will that enabled him to withstand any challenge that was thrown at him. His incredible memory that served to make sure no birthdays were forgotten. His strange habit of always checking under beds before he slept. His firm loyalty to his job, his superiors, to himself. His love for his fellow soldiers who he regarded as family. His love for his parents. His love for his wife.

His love that his newborn son will never get to experience.

Gunther. A strong, reliable soldier. One of the best. Titan kill count: 47.

That is what the world will remember him for.

Not his quick thinking, which had saved countless lives. Not his reasonable, logical nature, which settled blows and petty arguments between many, many soldiers. Not his quiet humour, which rivalled even Erd's loud jokes. Not his admirable ability to steel his heart and push forward. Not his strange haircut. Not his thoughtfulness. Not his strong loyalty, which kept him alive. Not his care and concern for his fellow soldiers when they were injured. Not his love for his comrades, for his family.

He lives on in his sister, his father. His grandfather passed not long after.

Auruo. A strong, reliable soldier. One of the best. Titan kill count: 48.

That is what the world will remember him for.

Forgotten is his initiative. Forgotten is his perception. Forgotten is his hidden concern for everyone else. Forgotten is his astounding abilty to take any normal chore and make it look stupid. Forgotten is his weathered face that was the youngest of them all. Forgotten is his dumb imitation. Forgotten is that he was the best at cleaning. Forgotten is that he was a steady soldier, an even steadier friend. Forgotten is his ability to love strongly and fully. Once he loves, he loves forever.

His family received a pension. He made sure each sibling got one each.

Petra. A strong, reliable soldier. One of the best. Titan kill count: 58.

That is what the world will remember her for.

Her sweet smile is gone. Her ability to make the best coffee from shitty grounds. Her empathy, the way she cried and laughed for everyone. Her trust, so easily given and always returned. Her kindness, open to everyone and reserved from none. Her hands, that could bandage and tend so carefully but could cut and slice and hack with quick reflexes and skilled precision. Her hands on his face, his skin. Her unwavering, unrivalled loyalty. Her temper. Short and quick, like a flame. Her eyes. So comforting. So fierce. He blinked and she was gone.

Her father forgave him. He wished he didn't.

With them, they took everything that they should be remembered for. Everything and nothing. The world should remember them for everything they were. He will die with who they were. He will die with everything they gave him.

But in the end, he can't fit everything on their gravestones. He can't give them everything they gave him. He can't give them what they deserve. So he puts their name. Date. Telling them to rest peacefully.

In the end, he can only give them empty graves.


	8. sun, son

"Are you going to bed now, Eren? I'll walk you."

Eren glances around at the Special Ops squad. It's late one evening and they sit around a table in the mess hall, playing cards. Petra was winning, Auruo was whining, Gunter was snickering and Erd was penning a letter. The Captain was sipping his tea.

When he stood up, Petra stood up with him. Cautiously, Eren glances at the Captain, asking silent permission. He studies the two for a second, and his cool gaze makes Eren feel small and flinty. Was it even possible for a 15-foot Titan shifter to feel small and flinty?

Apparently so. It only took Humanity's Strongest to make him feel that way.

He waves his hand noncommitedly. "Do what you want. I don't care. If you want to babysit him, Petra, that's your own fault." He tosses her the keys to Eren's cell and shackles. "You can lock him up, then."

"Sir!" Petra stumbles forward, stuck between saluting and catching the keys. Eren salutes clumsily too, even though the Captain's staring into his dark tea.

"Come on." Petra nods at him, and he follows the smaller soldier out the hall. The last thing he hears is Auruo yelling at Petra if he can have her cards before the door closes behind them. The dark hallway is far quieter than the hustle and bustle of the Survey Corps soldiers within.

"You don't have to come with me." Eren says automatically, then winces at how rude it sounds. "But I appreciate it! Thank you, Miss Petra."

She grins at him, tucking her ginger hair behind her ear. "It's alright. Hey, I _wanted_ to come with you. We're on the same squad, you know. I want to know more about you."

"Squad Leader Hanji already has all the notes she can get about my Titan shifting-"

"No," Petra chuckles, raising an eyebrow at him. "Tell me about Eren Jaeger, the cadet. The new recruit. Not Eren Jaeger, the Titan-shifter. Besides," They turn down the hallway, heading down one of the many staircases to the dungeon. "The papers seem to know everything about Eren Jaeger, the Titan-shifter. You know, apparently you have horns." She stretches up on her tip-toes and ruffles his hair. "Any horns under there, demon?"

Eren sputters at her action, flushing red. "Miss Petra!" He shoves her hands away, and she laughs. It's a free, gleeful noise that sounds out of place among the empty, rotting cells.

The Special Operations Squad of the Survey Corps puzzled him, to say the least. He was amongst some of the most notorious veterans of the Corps, and they were far different than he expected them to be. What was he expecting, any way? Tall, hard-hearted, muscly, steely soldiers who scowled all the time and had faraway gazes of fallen comrades and blood-stained blades? Who crowded around him every step he took with their hands on knives tucked away under their sleeves?

The soldiers he was with didn't fit that perception at all. Well, maybe the Captain fit his idea of a stoic soldier, sans the _tall_ part. They were all so strong, in their own way, but still so _human_. Erd was quick on his reflexes but he was loud and funny and spoke lovingly of his wife back home. Gunther cut deep, deeper than anyone Eren knew, but he was quiet and thoughtful and kept everyone on track better than Erd could, to be honest. Auruo's solo kill count was unimaginable (except to Captain Levi, of course) but he was clumsy and outspoken and confident of the wrong things. Petra was more agile than any of his fellow trainees, but she was kind and warm and caring, like the sun had taken form in the shape of a person. She'd been the only one to shake his hand when the Captain introduced him to the squad. Within a few days, she had taken notice of how Eren drank his coffee and started preparing his too. She inquired about his health and accompanied him when he was alone, since he wasn't allowed to speak to his fellow trainees without express permission. He hadn't felt kindness like hers since his mother was alive, and that was five years ago.

She made him feel like he had a friend in his fellow comrade.

"Oh! Hold on a second." Petra says, holding out her hand. They stand in front of a small utility closet. Petra hooks the keys onto her belt and throws open the door, coughing in the dust. "Stand back. Oh, who was meant to clean this? Probably Erd. He _hates_ dusting." Cursing to herself, she rummages around for a moment, hoisting a heavy blanket into her arms and passing another one to Eren. "Here. I found them when I was looking for cleaning rags. It gets pretty cold down there, doesn't it?"

"Sometimes. A little." Eren lies. Truthfully, it's freezing down there, but he tries hard not to complain about his situation when the only other option was death. The squad is risking their lives to make sure he aids humanity in the best way he can. His trivial complaints are meaningless.

Petra frowns. "Eren, don't be ridiculous. It's cold. You're allowed to still feel human, you know. That's what makes you different to a Titan." She shifts the key into his cell lock and pushes it open. "Just because the Captain is...unique, in how he treats you, we all still see you as human. Human emotions, human needs." Her mouth turns down further, and her amber eyes are sad. "You're still so young. And you have all of humanity on your back."

"Don't worry, Miss Petra." Eren reassures her. He doesn't like seeing her sad. "I've accepted it. It's just what I have to do. My childhood isn't worth all of humanity dying at the hands of the Titans."

"Even so…" She casts a despairing look at the shackles hanging on the walls. She should be clamping them around Eren's wrists and ankles right now, but she fluffs out the blankets over his bed instead, sitting on the edge as he slides under. "My father has a boy who helps him at his market stall. He's your height and age and has friends and goes to school and plays silly games. It's what you should be doing. It's what all of your fellow trainees should be doing. Not enlisting in the military to fight against the Titans. You must've started training so young."

"I don't mind, Miss Petra."

"I know. I know you don't mind and it's very noble of you."

"It's not noble." Eren says. He stares down at his hands, at the harsh bite mark on his right palm. His fingers clench. That familiar feeling of vengeance rises up through his body and clenches around his heart like an iron fist. "It's not noble at all to want to fight the Titans. It's human. I want to eradicate the Titans from this world. I _will_ eradicate the Titans from this world, so no one will ever have to fall victim to them again. To think like that isn't noble. Risking your life for the ones you love shouldn't be noble at all. It's human. The only ones who think it's noble are the ones who won't risk their lives for others." He looks up at her, his eyes blazing. "I _will_ destroy them from this world. I swear on it."

Petra tilts her head and studies him thoughtfully. It's impossible to know what she's thinking- for someone who's so open about her emotions, she's awfully hard to read when she wants to be-

All of a sudden, he feels the blanket being pulled down low over his head, obscuring his vision. Surprised, he jerks back and hits his head on the stone wall. Petra laughs. "How are you going to do that when you don't get enough sleep?" She asks, giggling behind her hand. "Still so young. You can kill as many Titans as you can, but you'll always be a child to me."

" _Miss Petra_!"

Petra is the closest thing Eren's had to a maternal figure in a long time, but that doesn't mean she _really_ has to treat him like he's a child. But there's a playful glint in her eyes and she's smiling again, so he decides that for now it's okay to be coddled if it means she'll feel happier.

"Eren!" There's a pair of footsteps echoing down the hallway towards his cell- no, _two_ , and one is clearly faster on their feet than the other. The pair stare at the cell bars for a moment, before two very familiar faces appear behind the bars. "Mikasa! Armin!"

"Eren!" Mikasa exhales gratefully. There's a rare, small smile on her face as her eyes roam over Eren for a moment, like she's checking him for any injuries. She doesn't notice Petra at first. Armin salutes immediately at the elite soldier, flushing at being caught out breaking the rules and elbows Mikasa in the ribs to do the same. "Sir! We are very sorry for breaking protocol during this situation! We know we are not supposed to visit Eren without permission!"

Petra blinks, then snaps to attention. "Oh! Oh, right. Well," She lets them both into the small room, which is starting to get quite crowded. "You're here now. So here's your permission, from a veteran soldier. No harm done." She winks at them. "Go on. I understand. You're just worried about your friend."

Mikasa jumps at the chance, rushing towards Eren's bed and pulling back the covers quickly to examine him while he jumps and shoves her away. Armin stands behind her, quickly filling him in on what they've been learning as new recruits and details on the upcoming expedition.

Petra leans back against the bars with a fond smile on her face. Eren knows she wants to give them as much time as possible together, but she'll need to ask them to leave soon to shackle Eren up. As kind and willing Petra is to push rules for other's safety, she'll never go behind her superiors backs. Especially if the order came from Captain Levi himself.

She's begun to fidget with the keys hanging from her hip when another pair of footsteps approach; these are slow and purposeful. Immediately, Petra straightens up and glances at Mikasa and Armin worriedly. Her eyes flit around the small space, as if looking for a place to hide them before the person in question strolls up.

"Petra," Captain Levi takes in the scene. His voice is as bored as usual - they could've been drinking and smoking and he would've sounded the same. "I thought you were putting the brat to bed. Not staying up telling fairy tales to even more brats. Who-" He evaluates Mikasa and Armin cooly. "Are not even allowed to be here."

"I gave them permission, sir." Petra says. She doesn't flinch under his gaze. Eren wasn't lying when he said she really is one of the strongest soldiers he's ever met. "They've only come to check up on their fri-comrade."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Sir."

Armin salutes fiercely to the captain. Mikasa is slower - a lot slower- to copy, but she gets there in the end, matching the Captain's intimidating glare with her own. Petra slips through the door to stand behind Levi, but he wordlessly gestures to the shackles still hanging on the wall. Biting back a sigh, Petra moves forward, closing them around Eren's joints. It's less constricting and looser than when the other soldiers do it, he notices. She pats his arm before she retreats back out of the cell. For a moment, no one says a word, but Mikasa and Armin get the clear dismissal in the captain's body language.

Armin salutes to both of the elite soldiers. "Sirs!"

"Sir." Mikasa repeats, but she only directs it to one soldier; Petra. She inclines her head slightly to the smaller woman. "I hope you sleep well, sir."

Petra blinks at her for a moment, confused, before regaining her composure. "Thank you."

Mikasa brushes by Captain Levi without a word of acknowledgement. Armin gapes after her, salutes again, this time a hasty apology, and sprints after her.

Captain Levi turns towards Petra. If he's annoyed at Mikasa's gutsy disrespect, he certainly doesn't show it. "Next time, I wouldn't expect babysitting to last so long. I was starting to think you were helping the brat take a shit or something." Without waiting for a reply, he takes the keys from her hand and locks Eren's cell himself. "Go to sleep, brat. Or don't. I don't care. But if you show up to training tomorrow tired as shit, don't expect me to go any easier on you because that's your own fucking fault." He turns on his heel and marches back down the hallway. Petra throws Eren an apologetic look.

"Sleep well, Eren." She says softly, her smile as bright as the torchlight flickering on the walls, before she follows her captain back up to the castle.

Eren goes to sleep that night much warmer than he usually does, and he thinks it's not just because of his new blankets.

* * *

 _a/n: it's late and this is the result of me not being able to write the next chapter of my new rivetra au (rivetra_ _enthusiasts check it out on my profile thanks!) so i wrote this instead. also, at you lovely people who have put in requests on what you would love to see, i am slowly but surely going to be working towards those! i really love some of the ideas you've given me, and i promise that when i can ill start writing them_


	9. letters to you

It's the same as usual; there's a stack of empty paperwork to his right, a mug of tea on his left, and a small, red headed soldier sitting in front of him. The full moon shines brightly through the open window, and a cool breeze drafts into the room. It's a pleasant feeling compared to the stifling heat they've had to train in these past few days. Unpleasantly, an open window at night seems to be inviting to mosquitos and flies and other pests, which he keeps batting away from his head. Petra had tried swatting a particularly nasty, fat one with a rolled up paper, and whacked him instead by accident. So when one buzzed near her face, he went at it with a paper as well. Coincidentally, he missed and hit her, which apparently hurt quite a bit because his force was far stronger than hers. Also, he missed the bug. Mainly because it wasn't anywhere near her head and his eyes had 'mistaken' a piece of lint for a mosquito.

It's a very normal night. But the letter sitting in his desk drawer, marked _Petra Ral_ and stamped with the official seal of the goddess Sina, seems to taunt him and tell him that it's going to turn out far different than usual.

"Here." He says gruffly, dropping it on the paper she's working on. It won't be put off any longer. "It's from the capitol."

Petra stares at it for a moment, her brows knotted in confusion. "From the capitol?"

He shrugs, sipping from his tea like it's not his concern. Because it isn't, not really.

At the same time it's been the only thing on his mind since he received the damn letter. He knew exactly what was in it.

Maintaining a bored, disinterested expression is tougher than he thought as he watches her slice open the envelope, careful not to disturb the tidy seal, and eases the paper out. Her eyes scan over the paper and a mix of expressions pass over her face. Shock, disbelief, surprise, happiness. He hates that his heart clenches at the sight of it.

"It's...I'm eligible to be a citizen of the interior. They're offering me citizenship." Petra says in wonder, eyes glued to the letter.

"Mm. For your military accomplishments." Levi quotes from memory. He's received more than one in the past few years. She tears her eyes away from the letter for a moment, eyes wide.

"You've received this?"

Again, he shrugs.

Of course he has. The title of Humanity's Strongest had its perks. Although he ultimately decided there were more downsides than upsides to that shitty moniker, receiving a letter informing him that he would be awarded citizenship in the interior for the first time had amazed him. In the underground, it was every kid's dream to be able to escape to sunlight and fresh air. To think; the half-assed dream he had when he was a child was coming true, decades later.

Then he thought about it some more. The concept of this 'award.' Rich assholes born into luxury sat on their fat asses all day and did nothing but shovel overpriced food into their mouths while hundreds of kids struggled and fought and killed under their feet. And they didn't fucking care. The government didn't either. Just more mouths to feed. Just more lives that they wished they could send beyond the wall on another doomed expedition.

They only cared when soldiers risked their lives for them and lived. Achieved. Excelled. The poor only had to risk their lives to be able to feed their families. The poor, puny lives that meant nothing to pigs. As a reward, come recline in the interior. Brush shoulders with those rich assholes who didn't give a fuck about those who died. Fuck all the years of training and fighting and comrades who slid down Titan's throats, right? There was no reward, no sympathy for them.

He didn't have anything waiting for him on the interior. His friends were dead. He had no family, no familiarity. The only things he was familiar with was the wings of freedom on his back, his blades glinting in his hands. Erwin understood, even if he said that he wouldn't blame Levi for leaving. Honorable discharge.

He tossed the damn letter into the funeral pyre along with his dead comrades.

Levi couldn't abandon the Legion. He owed Erwin everything he had.

Including the soldier sitting in front of him.

"Oh, _wow_." Petra breathes. She holds the letter closer to the candlelight and reads it again, and again. "Have the rest of the squad received this?"

"Gunther and Erd have. I expect Auruo would get his soon."

"And they...turned it down?"

"Guess so." He gazes out the window, averting his eyes from her. "Citizenship doesn't guarantee property inside. Doesn't count for family members either, except for legal spouses." That little detail never mattered to him. But Petra had her beloved father.

"If you decide to go," Levi begins, fixating on her right eyebrow so her captivating eyes wouldn't make him falter. "You'll have an honourable discharge. No one will blame you."

"If I go," Petra repeats softly. He can feel her leg jiggling under the table, knocking into the desk and making it shake; a telltale sign she's unsure, nervous. She catches his eye, and it feels like she's staring straight into his soul, rummaging around in his brain and getting a glimpse at the traitorous feelings he shouldn't be feeling for her but he has them anyway and they make them want to punch himself. "Do you want me to go, Captain?"

Does he want her to go?

Fuck yes. He would choose, a million times over, to have her safe inside the Walls, miles away from the blood and terror of the Survey Corps. So whenever she shot into the air he wouldn't feel fear grip his heart in an iron grip. He wouldn't feel like a piece of shit whenever he gave her the impression he didn't believe in her capabilities as a soldier, all because his inappropriate feelings automatically placed her as far away from danger as he could.

The interior was the perfect place for a woman as soft, kind and forgiving as her. It was different from the men. For Gunther and Erd, it would be extremely difficult to find employment there. They were strengthened from military training; the only thing they had ever trained for, leaving school early to enlist. That strength would only bring in labour work, where the pay was shit. They could never support a proper family on that. But Petra… a woman like her had so many options in the interior. As a shop girl. She was personable, friendly and warm. A barmaid. Or even a wife to some lord's dressy, preening son. She had the beauty to get any man she wanted.

The thought made him want to throw up. But he would've seen her married to any other man as long as she was safe and alive behind the Walls.

And yet…

How could he be praying that he wanted her to leave when he knew he wouldn't be able to fill the giant void in his squad? He wouldn't be able to see her every morning, fresh and bright with a cup of coffee for him. The sun would halo her hair and make her look like a fucking angel and he unconsciously found himself wanting to see her like that before the sun rose higher into the sky. Her sunny laughter, her dedication, her unparalleled skill, her teamwork. Her soft brushes on his arm, her willfulness and hard work. The paperwork would suck without her help.

He would miss the fuck out of her if she left. Wonder if she would forget about him. Though that would probably be a blessing for her.

Selfless or selfish. It didn't matter what he wanted for her. It was her decision alone and he wouldn't be a monster like the ones they fought to take that right away from her.

"That's not my decision to make." Is all he says instead. "It's all yours, Petra."

With that, he rises from his desk, ready to retire for the night. The stack of paperwork remains unfinished, but he can't bring himself to complete it right now. "Lock up when you're done."

He leaves her alone in his office with a pen and a candle and a big, big decision to make.

* * *

"Good morning, Captain." Petra chirps. The rest of the squad hasn't risen yet, and like always, he found himself rising earlier to see the sunlight around her ginger hair. He only nods in reply, seating himself at a table to finish off the paperwork he neglected last night.

Silently, she slides into the seat next to him, passing him a steaming cup. In her hand is the letter, along with an empty sheet of paper and a pen.

His stupid fucking heart sinks and soars at the same time. If he could, he'd rip it out of his chest and crush it under his boot.

Unable to concentrate on his work, he pretends to be engrossed in a performance report question, silently waiting for her 'official' answer.

Petra stretches out her arms, unaware of his internal struggle. Takes a sip of her coffee, twirls the pen in her hand. Relaxed as can be. She can afford to be, now that she's going to be carted off to the interior to live a comfortable life far away from death, get married to a weakling lord's son, have his brats-

"I'm staying." Petra says simply, as if commenting on the weather. She pulls out her pen and writes _Dear Father_ on the top of her empty page.

Levi blinks. He's not surprised often because he hates the feeling of being taken aback; it's just another weakness for his enemies to exploit, so he thinks of every possible way out of a situation. But by the three goddesses, even a blind man would've seen this coming. Stupid comparison, because he was blinded by his feelings. He's an idiot, didn't even consider the fact she would be far more likely to stay than up and leave her family. Obviously. She's _Petra_. There's no way she would ditch them for a comfy life on the interior. If she wanted a life like that she would've stayed behind Wall Rose in the first place.

There's a small, selfish swell of relief in his chest, but it's overshadowed by the desire to _order_ her to leave and keep herself safe, and he's not even sure if it's for her wellbeing or his. Selfish bastard.

He doesn't let on that any of this is going on in his mind. Keeping his face neutral, he nods and tells her that he'll inform the higher-ups of her decision. Like he did with Erd and Gunther. Short and to the point, the way a captain should speak to his subordinates.

Petra smiles at him, that grin that lights up the entire room. "It didn't take me long to decide." She says. "I remembered that Auruo owes me a bit of money because I beat his ass in sparring the other day. Can't collect that if I'm all the way in Sina, can I?"

The letter dances in her hand and she studies it for a moment, igoring his silence. "Besides," She crumples it and chucks it into the bin with light fingers. "No matter how amazing the interior is, there are certain things I can't get there that make my life so enjoyable here."

Petra looks at him as she says it. He can't make that up, she's staring at him with her warm, beautiful eyes, leaning closer slightly and _fuck_ what he said about not getting surprised because even _he_ couldn't have predicted this.

Footsteps sound towards the hall and he jerks away from her as Erd and Auruo bound into the mess hall, arguing about something dumb. Petra smiles at them, rising to make coffee, and the day continues on as usual, as if that moment didn't happen at all. But you'd have to kill him to get him to forget about the warmth of her breath on his face, the flecks of gold in her amber eyes, the clean scent of her hair or the way her lips parted slightly, as if she was about to give him a secret whisper of a kiss.

* * *

 _a/n: i was rewatching season 1 and 2 so i could remember what led up to season 3, and during the mid-break ad things, currently discloseable information part, it said that sina citizenship could be gained through military achievements. so yeah thats where this came from._

 _i've been swamped with schoolwork and work work for the past week or so, hence why updates have slowed slightly. i'll try to continue updating this story regularly enough! if you're waiting for an update on my new story, i'll try hard to get the next chapter out as soon as i can; i've had a major block writing it, but we're getting there._

 _thanks for reading!_


	10. hair

"I'm thinking of cutting my hair."

He stares at the long ginger strands on his pillow, carefully raking his fingers through them. Petra shivers, curling tighter into his sheets. Levi leans back against his headboard, retracting his hand from her hair. "Obviously. It's too long. It'll get caught in your wires or something."

Admittedly, he'd noticed that her hair was growing; it fell past her shoulders now, the longest he's ever seen it. He _had_ been meaning to tell her that she needs to cut it or tie it up, but every time he was planning on telling her the damn wind seemed to pick up and whip it around her shoulders and face, and she would comb it back with one hand and made it look so sexy his words caught in his throat.

"Well, yeah," Petra says, turning over and staring up at him. "I kinda want to cut it shorter than usual. Like...Nanaba's length, maybe."

Well. He hadn't expected that.

He'd always liked Petra's hair. He's never said it to her, but she picked it up anyway because whenever they were alone, he always found an excuse to touch or mess with it. It was the colour that first caught his eye, red and orange and gold like the sun. Then the way it curled slightly when she washed it. Then the clean scent. Then the feel of it between his fingers. Then-

He could go on and on about her fucking hair. She'd always kept it at the same length, falling to her chin, so he never really gave it much thought.

"What do you think?" Petra asks, picking up on the silence that usually means he's thinking. He shrugs.

"Your choice."

"Levi," She rolls her eyes, propping herself up on her elbows. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't want an opinion."

"Go ask Nifa or Nanaba then. Isn't that what girls do?"

Petra grins. "I don't know if you noticed, but us _girls_ are far too busy taking down Titans and taking orders from a certain, constantly pissed off captain-"

"Go back to sleep." He shoves her back under the covers and she laughs. It's too loud and sudden in his quiet room, in the silent hallways of the barracks, and she slaps her hand over her mouth quick.

In an ideal world, she would let herself laugh freely around him because they would be allowed to be together and she wouldn't have to cut her hair because of giant pissy monsters. He shoves the thought away, like he always does whenever he lets himself stray to dangerous topics.

"Still," Petra says a moment later. "What do you think? If I cut it that short?"

"You'd look like a boy."

"I think you of all people know I don't look like a boy." She scoffs, sitting up to join him, tugging the sheets up over her bare body and leaning against his shoulder. Golden orange tresses spill over his collarbone. "It's more practical. Keeps it out of my eyes."

"Mmm." He knows she's fishing for his opinion on his preferred hairstyle on her and he won't give it to her. He's never liked the idea that she would change herself to fit _his_ ideals.

What is his ideal, anyway? Simple. Red hair. Amber eyes. Pale skin. Hair that falls just to her chin because it's short enough to not get grabbed and she still looks feminine, perfect-

"Yes? Or no?"

"For fucks sake, Petra, go to sleep."

"Maybe I'll cut it like _yours_." She continues like she hasn't heard him. He jerks slightly under her and she giggles, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "That got you to listen."

"Look, just tie it up or cut it. I don't care how you do it. Make it safe."

With her hair long like this, her beautiful face shining in the sliver of moonlight that breaks through his curtain, he can almost imagine a world where she isn't a soldier, just his lover, tucked safe and sound behind the Walls. Her hair can grow as long as she likes, she doesn't have to spend all day training and sweating, and she doesn't have to creep through the hallways in the dark just to see him.

With her hair long like this, he sees a future that isn't real. The only future that awaits for them is their inevitable deaths at the hands and mouth of a Titan. His fucked up mind can only afford to see her hair as a liability, a stepping stone to her death. So he drags his hand through her hair one last time before they fall asleep, and when she joins him at breakfast later, it's back to its usual length. Good.

He tries not to mourn the loss of a glimpse into a life that is never going to happen.

* * *

 _a/n: pointless fluff. i'm currently in the middle (more like a quarter, a sixth) of writing a longer chapter more squad based from a review prompt but it's taking a bit longer to write so have this for now._


	11. three true loves

Petra can't help it. She stares at the almost pitiful sight before her.

The pitiful sight, in question, sits up and gives her the most poisonous glare he can muster. Well, _tries_. Her captain slides back down the headboard and falls against his bed in a fit of violent coughing. Petra rushes forward, grabbing him a glass of water on his dresser, but he waves her off. "I'll be fine." He hisses in between coughs, his voice a harsh whisper compared to his usual low tone.

She stands there awkwardly, torn between helping her captain and obeying his order. Finally, she sets the cup on the floor next to his bed, bending uncomfortably in her dress. Levi watches her, studying her with hooded eyes, before recognition clicks.

"The...fucking ball," He rasps weakly. Propping himself up on his elbows, he attempts to drag himself out of the bed. Petra's eyes widen when she sees his arms tremble, diving to support his - surprisingly heavy - weight.

"Captain, you can't!"

"Like hell I can't. Erwin wants me there."

"The commander can...deal...without you for one night!" Petra grunts under the exertion, pushing him back into bed. Finally, his strength falters for a moment and she manages to shove him onto his back.

Forget what she said about him being a pitiful sight; the pair of them must look like some sort of warped stage play. Petra in her fancy gown, heels on her feet with her hair pinned and face powdered. Captain Levi, humanity's strongest, clad in the oldest clothing he owns, sweat plastering his hair to his head and too weak to even reach that damn cup of water.

"Petra!" Erd shouts through the closed door. "Is the captain okay? Can he attend?"

"Yes-"

"No!" Petra shouts back, her clear, loud voice effectively cutting off the captain's weak whisper. "Tell the Commander that he can't attend. He's sick."

"I am not _sick._ " Levi hisses. It's meant to be intimidating, and maybe it would be if he wasn't sweating and shivering under his sheets. Hesitantly, Petra lays her hand on his forehead, brushing back a few strands of inky black hair. He flinches away immediately, snarling, but it's enough for her to realise that he's running a dangerously high fever.

"Captain, you are _sick._ Don't leave your bed. I'll be right back." She turns to the door. "And if you try to move, I'll tie you to the bed. Sir."

He growls something she can't hear through the other side of the door. Closing it gently, she gives a grave look to her waiting squad members. All of them are dressed up in their finest suits, ready for Lord Whittcourt's ball.

"The captain cannot attend?" Commander Erwin strides down the hall to meet the Levi squad, huddled around their captain's door. Like the rest of them, he's dressed to rub shoulders with the one of the finest, wealthiest families in Sina, looking regal and magnificent in a black suit.

"No sir." Petra sighs. "He can't leave his bed."

The Commander merely blinks, clicking his tongue in sympathy. It's almost impossible to know what the Commander thinks; he has to be the most composed person Petra's ever seen. Still, the line of his brow seems slightly more pronounced at this information, and something close to a sigh escapes his lips. "Shame. The captain was...shall we say, very _anticipated_ for tonight's event." He says passively, as if he was discussing the weather. Squad Levi exchange confused looks. Sure, the captain was often expected to be at these events, but... _overly anticipated_?

"He can't leave his bed, you said?" He asks, turning to Petra. Petra salutes hastily, shaking her head.

"No sir. He's got a fever, sweating and coughing."

"I'll send a medical officer for the Captain if he needs assistance." Commander Erwin says.

"Commander!" Moblit calls up the stairs. "The carriages are ready and waiting; courtesy of Lord Whittcourt, sir!"

"Ah. Seems our escorts are here." He heads down to the carriages, then turns back, looking expectantly at the four confused soldiers. "Come. The carriages will not wait long."

"If the captain isn't going, why are _we_ still going?" Auruo hisses as they stumble after him.

"Follow his orders, dipshit!"

They emerge into the courtyard. Petra shivers in the cool night air, rubbing the warmth back into her bare shoulders. Auruo's hands clamp down on her shoulders as if to help her and she elbows him so hard he bites his tongue. Again.

The elite squads of the Survey Corps; Squad Levi, Squad Hanji and Squad Mike; are gathered there, dressed up in their best finery. Nanaba is stunning in a royal blue gown. Nifa steals her breath away with her hair pinned and curled in that style. Squad leader Hanji almost sweeps her off her feet, looking especially handsome in a fine-fitting suit. Everyone is set to leave the finest impression of the Survey Corps at Lord Whittcourt's ball.

As Petra is about to climb into a carriage with the other women, she's thoroughly surprised when the Commander halts her, instead directing her back to where the rest of her squad members are, next to an empty carriage.

"Due to the absence of Captain Levi this evening, I trust that you, as his squad, will manage to fill his absence. The captain was very highly expected at the ball, and some members will be very disappointed he is not there. To keep the good sides of these nobles is very important. I trust that you'll be able to follow this order?"

"Sir!" They chorused. They were soldiers, after all. They did not disobey an order, no matter how strange.

Even so, as they squashed into the carriage, there's no shortage of questions. The commander leaves to ride with the other squad leaders, so they chat freely among themselves.

" _Anticipated? Expected_?" Erd wonders. "He hates these things. He has the social skills of an angry dog."

"Don't speak about the captain like that!" Petra elbows him in the ribs. She has pointy elbows. Erd yelps in pain.

"It's not our job to question the commanders demands." Gunther says over Erd's pained groans. "Just because we're not in the field right now doesn't mean we don't obey."

"Yes, sir." Petra says mockingly, rolling her eyes at her stern comrade. "We won't _not_ follow it, it's just strange. 'Fill the captain's absence.' What does that mean?"

" _Obviously_ it means you rookies should sit back while I take over as humanity's stro-"

One of the horses stumbled on a rock and the whole carriage shuddered. Auruo bit down _hard_ on his tongue.

"Idiot." Petra mutters, fishing around for her handkerchief. Auruo whimpers in pain, spraying blood everywhere. Even as Petra passed it to him, she inched herself further away to avoid the spatter on her navy gown.

"Look, I don't know what the commander means, but we'll figure it out when we get there. Like, make excuses for the captain? I don't know." Petra shrugs. Erd nods.

"Pet's right. We can assess the 'situation' when we get there. Uh. Report back to each other if anything goes wrong." Erd says uncertainty. The man's a natural in the field, surrounded by steaming corpses and grabbing hands and handing out orders, but throw him in a suit and a fancy dinner party and he's as unsure as a newborn fawn.

The rest of them nod in agreement. Petra peers out the window at the nobleman's land they're now passing through, nearing the entrance to Sina. It stretches out endlessly, fields and fields of crops and empty meadows. She's not too sure if it's Lord Whittcourt's land or some other nobles. As her captain would describe them, 'Fat pigs who have no fucking need for this much land.'

Odd how she found herself missing him at this moment.

Their carriage draws to halt as they're given entrance into Sina. The horses hooves click on the concrete roads and the pace slows dramatically. She cranes her head out the window to stare at the looming, overly-decorated buildings. In the window of one, a young child stares down at her in surprise, before he pulls a silly face. Petra returns it immediately and the child gapes at her, retreating from the window.

"Petra, stop messing around!" Gunther hisses. "We're stopping soon."

She straightens herself up at once, smoothing down her hair as the carriage stops in front of yet another giant mansion. The rest of their comrades are already gathered at the steps. Petra takes a deep breath, lets herself be handed out by Erd, and mentally prepares herself for a night of networking, socialising, and impressing nobles who see them as nothing less than scum on their shoes.

It was going to be a long night.

xXx

Kathleen Whittcourt sits at her jewelled vanity, patting her blonde hair into place and pinning away the flyaways. Her music box plays softly in the background, a lovely little lullaby that she adores. Of course, it's almost silent under the shrieks and yells of her sisters.

"Lacey!" Janessa thunders, chasing her around the room. "If you don't give me my damn brush back right now-"

"You said a bad word!" Lacey crows, the hairbrush gripped tight in her hands. "I'm telling Daddy on you!"

"Give me my brush!"

Janessa dives over Kathleen's bed which Lacey is currently sheltering behind, tackling Lacey to the ground. In their struggle, she pulls Lacey's hair free from her clip. It tumbles down Lacey's shoulders in shining curls.

"Janessa! You ruined my _hair_!" Shrieking, she detangles herself from Janessa's flailing arms and flings herself into Kathleen's lap. " _Kathleen_ ," Lacey whines. "Will you do it up again? Quickly! Before the ball begins!"

"I will not." Kathleen says calmly. "If both of you hadn't behaved like fools then you wouldn't be in this situation."

"Well, Lacey shouldn't have stolen my brush!" Janessa huffs. "She knew what she was doing, too! Trying to stop me from looking the best for _him_!"

Instantly, they both burst into ridiculous giggles, blushing bright pink. Lacey shoves Janessa onto her bed, still laughing. "That's why you pulled my hair from the bun, you pig! _You_ wanted to stop _me_ from looking so good!"

"Please! I'm the prettiest no matter what you do to your hair!"

 _Fools. Idiots._ I _am the prettiest. Always and tonight._ Kathleen doesn't dare voice these thoughts out loud. Janessa will rip her dress clean from her body. _It will be_ me _he notices._

 _Him._ The firecest, finest man in the walls. Humanity's strongest. _Levi._

She almost swooned over the thought of him. But she doesn't, not like her idiotic sisters. Oh, to finally see _the_ Levi in person! Daddy never let any of them leave Sina to see the Survey Corps depart on their expeditions, nor to see them return. Of course he wouldn't. It would jeopardize humanity to have their strongest soldier spot her in the crowd. He would be so overcome by feelings of intense love and attraction, there would be no way he would venture out of the walls again! Not when his love was waiting inside!

It had taken her _ages_ to convince Daddy to host this year's Military Ball, a celebration for the highest ranking officers and soldiers of all three military branches, attended to by Sina's highest nobles and governing party. _Daddy, it would benefit you so much so host! As the newest member of Sina's governing council, how eager and easy it would be to put you out! Solidify your spot by gaining favour from the military, Daddy, you would be untouchable._

She smirked. Kathleen couldn't care less about her father's position. But it had gotten him to host the ball.

Beneath their feet, dozens of soldiers would be gathering and conversing, drinking and eating and having a jolly time. Somewhere among them, her true love would be there, waiting for her.

He would be handsome, surely. Strong; well muscled. His magnificent feats against titans had travelled far and wide within the walls. That was all a given.

But would he be light-haired and sunny, a true gentleman? Charismatic, kind, gentle. Or a dark, tempting stranger, the type she'd read about in her romance books? Who would whisk her away from the ball, press her against a wall and kiss her senseless?

Oh, oh, _oh,_ a girl could dream. But she would not be dreaming no more; after tonight, all of them would be a reality. They _had_ to.

Ugh. It was just her luck that her dumb little sisters had caught on to her dreamings and latched onto them immediately. Young and immature for this world. Of course _she_ would have to babysit them while they trailed her around the entire night like ducklings. Stupid, loud, _annoying_ ducklings.

"Girls!" Daddy knocks on their door. "Are you all ready?"

"Daddy!" Lacey and Janessa launch themselves into his arms, babbling on about hair brushes and pulled hair clips. Kathleen dusts down her gown and stands, tossing her head. "I am, Daddy."

"Perfect! Good girl, Kathleen. See, you two should take lessons from your older sister!"

"She's only older by three minutes." Janessa grumbles. Lacey combs her hair through, leaving it loose. "Well, _I'm_ ready!"

Janessa pats her cheeks down one last time with the powder puff, preening in the mirror. "So am I!"

Kathleen flounces out of the room as Janessa and Lacey scramble after her, winding down the long hallways to the ballroom. Outside the door, she hesitates for a moment to check herself one last time in the large mirror mounted on the wall. Then she shoves Lacey and Janessa behind the corner and motions for the butler to open the big doors. This is _her_ entrance.

Admittedly, her entrance wasn't as grand as she hoped. The soldiers didn't drop their glasses or plates at the dazzling sight of her. Many of them didn't even notice she had arrived.

The audacity of some people! In her own home!

No matter. Kathleen pursed her lips, sweeping into the room. She sticks to the walls for now, not wanting to dance just yet. Not until her saviour wants to take her for a dance. She will make a grand enough entrance for him.

Janessa and Lacey sidle up to her, sticking to her like some kind of mould.

"Find your own man!" Kathleen hisses at them, attempting to shake them off. Lacey stares at her with wide eyes, while Janessa huffs.

"You don't even know what he looks like, Kathy."

" _Kathleen_. And that's not a problem. I'll ask around. Besides, neither do _you_!"

"I know more than you! For example, _I_ know he has dark hair!"

Kathleen is taken aback by this. How on earth could Janessa know something like this? Probably got it out of one of the stable boys she's been chatting up again. Huh.

"Fine." Kathleen grits her teeth. "We'll do it your way for now. But when we find him, he's _mine_."

"Guys," Lacey pipes up. "There's _heaps_ of dark haired guys here! We'll never find him."

"I will. Watch."

Skirts swaying, she struts up to the first dark-haired soldier she sees, identified by the Wings of Freedom honorary badge clipped to his breast pocket. Well, humanity's strongest would be decked out with honors, right?

She pulls her fan from her skirts and snaps it open, fluttering it near her mouth. "Excuse me," Kathleen purrs. "I'm-" Janessa barges into their intimate conversation. " _We're,_ she means!" She says brightly. Kathleen gives her the dirtiest look she can from behind her fan. "Fine, _we're_ looking for humanity's strongest, Levi. A little bird told me that he might be _you_."

Smile, look away, look back, look _up._ Oh, he was sure to fall to his knees! Her heart pounded at the thought.

The man in question stared at her, stunned. Even better! She had him at a loss for words!

"Uh-" He swallows. "Not- not me. Humanity's strongest. Uh. Him." The strange man points to a long- haired, blond Survey Corps soldier across the room. He glances back nervously at Kathleen and bolts.

"What? Did we scare him off?" Lacey asks dumbly. Janessa shrugs, beelining for the blond man.

 _I will not be outdone!_

"Hello," Janessa says excitedly. The man turns around to see all three of them. Flushing bright pink, Janessa drops into a deep curtsey. "Hello, Levi, humanity's strongest!" Her voice pitches high at the end. She flutters her fan to hide her grin. "My name is-"

"I'm Kathleen Whittcourt." Kathleen shoves her out of the way, holding out her hand for a respectful kiss.

Levi blinks for a moment. "I- humanity's strongest?"

 _He's so humble!_ Kathleen bites back an unladylike squeal. "Yes, Levi."

"Levi. Oh, right! Levi. Le-viiii."

"That's you, isn't it?" Lacey looks him up and down. Levi rubs the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. His eyes dart wildly around the room and he takes a small step back.

"Unfortunately not, ladies. I'll give you a tip though; he- _she's_ very short. If you want to find them."

" _She!?_ "

"He's a girl?" Janessa echos dumbly. The man nods quickly.

"Yes! Yes. Uh. Yeah. See, in the military, we refer to all soldiers like that. He, him, and so on."

"Why? That's sexist." Lacey demands. Janessa shushes her under her breath.

"I-what?" Kathleen stammers. "But...but Levi is a boy's name!"

"Levi is her nickname! We all call her that. Her real name is, uh. Uhm. Olevia. Olevia! Like Oliva but. Olevia." The blond man salutes quickly, points to the other side of the room, and sprints away.

"No way!" Lacey breathes as their little group approaches the short redheaded woman that the man had pointed to. They hover anxiously behind her turned back, exchanging nervous glances, until Lacey tentatively reaches out and taps her on the shoulder.

"Excuse me. Miss Olevia." She squeaks, eyes trained directly on the woman's face. "Thatmanovertheresaidyouwerehumanity'sstrongestisthattrue?"

The woman jerks. "What did you call me?"

"Uh. Olevia. That man said that Levi was short for Olevia."

"Olev-" The woman repeats. Her mouth twitches slightly. For a moment, they're all lost for words.

"You have really beautiful hair." Lacey blurts suddenly into the silence. Kathleen has never seen her little sister so flustered.

The woman thanks her, touching Lacey's hand briefly. Lacey doesn't breathe for a full minute.

"I'm not sure who told you that, but I assure you it's not true." The woman explains. "If you're looking for humanity's strongest though. Uh, I can help you?"

"Yes please!" Janessa nods. Kathleen's head spins. Has she been played for a fool this entire time by these soldiers? Her sisters, sure, but _her?_

"Humanity's strongest- uh, well. He always wears a cravat. Yeah! A cravat. Every day. Including right now." The woman says. She nods at them in confirmation at their stares. Then she runs.

"A cravat?" Janessa wonders.

"She's wrong." Kathleen mutters darkly under her breath. "My true love wouldn't ever wear anything as ugly as a _cravat_."

"Look! Look! There he is- the only man wearing one!" Lacey shrieks. She hurries across the floor to the man, standing before a punch bowl.

"You won't be the first!" Janessa cries, sprinting after her.

"None of you will be!" Kathleen jumps into action. She gets there as Lacey and Janessa have taken hold of his two arms, so she grabs his necktie instead, jerking his head forward to hers. Humanity's strongest _yelps._ Then warm blood splatters against her face.

xXx

"Oh my god. Oh my god. How on earth did we end up in such a shitty situation?" Petra gasps. All four of them are sheltered behind a curtain, sealing them away from the main ballroom. "This is what the commander meant. I can't believe this."

Erd holds up his torn sleeve forlornly. "Natalie's going to _kill_ me. This is my only good suit jacket."

"They're all going to kill _us_ when they find out that humanity's strongest isn't here tonight!" Gunther hisses. "We can't let the commander down. He _needs_ tonight to secure the Corps more funds. We gotta keep on the noble's good sides!"

Auruo rasps something unintelligible behind yet another tongue wound. The one that had one of the girls scream so loudly that several glasses shattered. Well, it had gotten them out of their hair for a moment, at least. Petra nods in agreement to Auruo's 'words.'

"Auruo's right. If they want a humanity's strongest," She narrows her eyes, peaking out a crack in the curtain to a figure in the room. "We'll give them one."

xXx

"Captain!" Petra yelps as soon as they enter the mess hall, zeroing in on the man himself, seated at a table with a towel draped around his neck, reading some papers. "You should be resting! You're not well enough to leave bed."

She clip-clops over to him in her heels and lays a hand on his forehead. The captain slaps her hand away irritatedly. "Stop fussing."

"Why are you not running a fever?" She asks. The rest of the squad gather around his table. Levi glares at them. Petra furrows her brows in confusion. "You had such a high one before we left…"

Slowly, realisation washes over all four of them. Petra points an accusing finger at him. "Did...did you fake being sick so you didn't have to go tonight?"

"How can I fake a _fever_ , Petra?" The captain responds lowly. "Idiot."

He rises from his chair, teacup in hand, and strides from the room. Petra splutters. "He- if he wasn't such a wimp he would've saved us so, _so_ much trouble! Why-hey!" Petra hikes up her gown and chases after him, a murderous glint in her eyes.

"Should we go after her?"

"She'd rip our heads off, man. Let her handle it." Erd sighs, pulling out a chair. "Jeez. What a night, eh?"

"Those girls were ruthless." Gunther shivers. "I've faced off with gentler Titans."

"I don't know what you're complaining about." Auruo chuckles, leaning his head in his hand and staring dreamily off into the distance. Erd snorts, kicking him off his chair. "Shut up. Can't believe you really thought you would get some from some stuffy noble ladies. Hate to break it to ya, it wasn't going to happen either way."

"Leave off!" Auruo moans. He rests his head back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. "Can't believe three beautiful girls were clamoring for our attention tonight and Petra was the only one to get a date."

"Petra's prettier than you."

"Shut up. That blonde one was the prettiest, you know. God. Her eyes…" He sighs at the thought. Then he jolts up.

"Hey, how do you think Squad Leader Mike ended up dealing with them?"

* * *

 _a/n: this will not be the last of the ball au's/canon divergence chapters i'll write. I love this trope. A reviewer requested a ball chapter a while ago (sorry it took so long if you're still reading!) and i only saw now, when i finished this one, that they probably meant a continuation of chapter 5, the dance lesson one. whoops._

 _updates have slowed because for the past few weeks I've been in the process of moving jobs; it's been insane but it's finally starting to slow down, so hopefully i can write more frequently and update more often. again, im still writing the next chapter of that rivetra dance au, so hopefully that should come out as soon as I can finish it._

 _Read and review! feedback is very much appreciated. if you have an idea or a prompt you would like to see, put it down and I'll definitely try to deliver!_

 _Kathleen, Janessa and Lacey were inspired (read; copied) from the triplets in Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses. Please don't sue me._


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